Frauds, Fakes, and Perpetrators

Time To Take Off The Mask

Anytime I want to quiet the room or get everyone’s attention, I don’t have to clear my throat or raise my voice. I just say, “I have a confession” and a hush falls over the room. See how that works? It works every time. I have a confession. Immediately, when we hear, or in this case, read the word confession, we pay close attention. After all, we love a good confession story, don’t we? Well, here is mine and perhaps by the time I am finished, you will be free enough to share yours.

My confession is that for a very long time, I was a fraud. I know, most of you are thinking, “what do you mean, a fraud? You can’t have been a fraud, I’ve known you almost your whole life!” But did you really? Know me, I mean. Perhaps what you’ve known of me was part of the fraud. Perhaps what you believed to be true about me was only what I wanted you to believe or perhaps what you think you knew of me was only based on what you believed about yourself, hmmm. I’m sure that’s worth pondering.

Let’s start with my name, which is Gigi Blackshear, this is partly true. The name given to me at birth is Gerovani Blackshear, with no middle name. I imagine that is because not many names will fit comfortably between a Gerovani and a Blackshear. My mother named me after her sister, whose name is Giovanna, and for as long as I can remember, like my namesake, I have been called Gigi, and I am okay with that.

In case you haven’t read my bio, it says that I am a published author. Google defines an author as the person who originated or gave existence to anything and whose authorship determines responsibility for what was created. Here is where the deception begins. Yes, I have always been a writer. I have spent almost my entire life putting words on one page or another and I almost always have a pen in my hand. I start every morning writing in my journals and I close out almost every night summarizing my day with a pen.

Writing is the thing I do to give expression to my feelings. Think about that for a minute. I’ll say it again, for good measure, I write to give expression to my feelings. What about you? Are you able to just experience your feelings or have you too found a way or a place to give expression to them? Something else to consider, perhaps you too could benefit from an outlet.

Now, back to the confession. Part of Google’s definition of the word author exposes the deception. It says, “The person who originates or gives existence to anything.” Yes, I have published books, but here’s the thing, none of what I wrote originated with me. The first book, Thank You For The Pain: Poems and Reflections on the Journey to Gratitude was originated from life, pain, and heartbreak and reckoning, and yes, even joy.

The second book, The Power of Eve: It’s Not What You Think, well..that one was originated by God Himself. I didn’t think it up, I didn’t discover the words or the story. That one came straight from the heart of God and it is a love story to His precious daughters. The words in that book flowed through me as readily as the ink flows through the pen. Yes, God allowed me to take credit for it, to put my name on it the same way the men of the bible are credited with chapters of the Bible even though we know that God originated and ordained those words and stories for us, for our benefit. So when you call me an author, a part of Gigi shrinks on the inside, humbled that God would even allow me to participate in His creative process.

The next part of my Bio calls me a Life Coach and there is a great deal of deception here. Let me start by saying that I had no idea what a “Life Coach” even was. I felt that I had a calling to something that I didn’t quite understand. I had always been a friend, a helper, a confidant, and an advisor to almost everyone I met, but I felt there was something more being required of me. A call to do, to help, to care, to give more, and to show up for others in an even greater way. I was being led to something. God put me on a path and took me on a journey to discover gifts and talents that had always been there, but up to that point had been undefined. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a Life Coach, yet I was called to become one. So I researched, I studied and I learned. God led me to people, organizations, and training and along the way, Conscious Choice Coaching manifested. And let me tell you, it really is true, if you build it, they will come.

I found myself coaching clients that were dealing with some of the same life issues that I myself was dealing with that I had not quite mastered or conquered. But by God’s grace, my clients were helped. Talk about imposter syndrome! I walked away from many successful coaching sessions wondering, “how in the world did you manage that?” But each time God showed up and it was His wisdom that was making a difference in my client’s lives. His wisdom, not mine. This is the perpetrating, God was the actual Life Coach, I was just the vessel he used!

Next came the motivational speaking part and this is the fake. I believed that because I was an encourager by nature, I could also be a motivational speaker. That is, until it came time to actually speak. Granted, the motivation part came easy to me, that was indeed part of my gift set, but here’s the thing, you cannot motivate the masses if every time you stepped up to a microphone, you were so nervous you forgot what you were there to say. I was a nervous wreck, not sometimes, but everytime. No matter how much I prepared or how passionate I was about the subject matter, I would be petrified and what’s even worse is I just knew that everyone within ear shot could tell.

Here is the other thing, aren’t motivational speakers supposed to be accomplished, confident and well….motivating? More deception I’m afraid because most days, I was none of those things. I allowed fear to rob me of my efffectivness.

So there you have it, the mask is off!

Now that there is no longer a mask, you must be wondering “Gigi, if you are not any of the things you named, then who and what are you?

Here is what I know to be true, in the midst of perpetuating the fraud, perpetrating and faking, there was a greater grace that always stepped in and made all things well. Love lifted me and Grace carried me even beyond myself and my own limitations. So who is Gigi? A woman who discovered her singular purpose, the reason she was put on this planet. After many trails, and many errors, after wearing many different hats and walking in as many different shoes, some my own, some the shoes of others, God allowed me to see clearly that my only reason for being is to serve. In all of my endeavors and attempts at “being” there was one consistent trait, the heart of a servant with the desire to take care of others.

So, now that my mask is off and you know who I am, do you know who you are? Are you ready to take off your mask and discover who you really are? If you think you’re ready and would like some help removing your mask, I would love to help you. After all, I am here to serve. You can reach out to me at www.consciouschoicecoaching.com